I am friendly, but not too friendly around men, where it can be misinterpreted that I have an interest in them. He doesn't come to as many meetings which I attend. After the meeting, I passed by him and two other men he was talking to and he made one of his inappropriate comments to me--right in front of those men. I stopped, turned around, pointed a finger at him and told him in a very firm voice that I was going to have to have a talk with him because I am not that new in AA anymore.
I wasn't joking and by the look on my face he knew it.
So that's my part in it."13th Stepping" is when someone who has been in AA for a while preys on newcomers. I guess despite being sober and working the Steps, there are some folks who are still needy and have the desire to prove it to themselves that they are desirable...either that or they are just plain ole horny.
When someone with some sobriety time under their belt comes up to you, the newcomer (under a year of sobriety time), and asks you out or says sexual and other remarks that make you feel uncomfortable they are 13th Stepping.
I was very flattered, and allowed all this to feed my ego because I thought the drinking had played a number on my looks. After I had more time in AA and had researched and found they even have a name for this-- 13th Stepping, I realized that this was nothing to be flattered about at all.
The age range of these men I would say is late 30's to 70's. For quite a while, I try very hard to avoid hugging people who have intentions other than the business of AA in mind. I have put up with it and have just tried to avoid him as much as possible.
I felt like crap, looked like crap and kept my head down for months and months not wanting to face anyone.
After I had been attending meetings for a couple of months, I had some male members start to compliment me, flirt with me and some were interested in dating me.
(These 13th Stepping oldtimers are fully aware of it--they just don't care about your sobriety.
It's up to you to care.) By that time, your mind is clearer, you hopefully have worked or are working the steps and you are better able to make rational decisions.
Before that time, if you do get into a relationship and something happens, such as a breakup, it can cause you to want to drink again.
And he got a look on his face like he had been smacked.
I have more self respect and more confidence than I used to and I feel I don't have to put up with this kind of crap anymore and by not doing anything before last night, realized I may have been encouraging his behavior.