You sent a signal of receptivity that said, "Notice me. Desire me." Again, this doesn't happen to you by some invisible, powerful force. If you decide that your marriage is an impenetrable door, you send a clear signal to the world that says, "Not available." You don't flirt.
You allow an affair to happen when you're not taking full responsibility for your actions. You don't spend unnecessary extra time in the coffee room with colleagues who clearly have the hots for you.
And it's really as simple as this: If you don't want to have an affair, don't have one! A., has counseled thousands of people worldwide through her private practice, her bestselling books, her e-courses and her website.
She has appeared several times on "The Oprah Winfrey Show", as well as on "Good Morning America" and other top media shows and publications around the globe.
If you're a thoughtful, sensitive, analytical person, there are host of questions that will likely run across the screen of your mind during your engagement.
The most common that I see in my practice are: The root of all of these questions is the same: the fear of losing the marriage. We enter knowing that we're taking an immense risk.
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Sure, the fear of one's partner having an affair also arises, but, interestingly, the bigger fear of the people I counsel is that he or she will have an affair. The surface layer is a cognitive distortion that many people carry that says, "If I find someone else attractive, does that mean I'll inevitably cheat on my partner?" Since we're not properly educated about love, romance, attraction and marriage, we often carry a host of erroneous beliefs about the nature of attraction.If you're a thoughtful person and you're aware of the statistics, you're likely in a hyper-vigilent state regarding any issue connected to attraction.Does this mean that you won't find other people attractive? As I said above, if you're a warm-blooded human being, it's natural and healthy to notice attractiveness.But there's a bit difference between noticing attraction and acting on attraction.