I grapple with the term because what’s the difference between a fetish and a preference?I once went out with a guy I met on Nerve, then didn’t hear from him again.I didn’t gain a freshman 15, I gained a freshman 50.Then my dad died when I was 22 and I wasn’t interested in anything anymore. It wasn’t until I was 28 that I decided I wanted to date again, after I got back in touch with people from camp.I’ve had really in-shape guys, bodybuilders even, contact me.I think they like the juxtaposition of hard and soft.
I had a few boyfriends every summer, and when I got really thin, I suddenly had a boyfriend back at school, too. After that it was back to the old way, and I didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. I was always overweight, but when I got to Vassar I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome.
He kept saying over and over, “I think you’re beautiful.” My first instinct was, This is a joke, someone put him up to it—which says a lot about where I was at that point. Experience, age and understanding that a lot of people attracted to me because of (or in spite of) my size takes away some of the nervousness I used to feel on dates. I was trying to move over him, and he said, “Your weight is hurting me.” That brought me back to reality. I was wearing a new outfit and these really hot tights, and in one fell swoop, he brought me down a little bit.
I was surprised because we’d never talked about my size being an issue.
I e-mailed and he wrote back, “I had fun making out with you—if you’re ever up for some more fun, let me know.” So then I knew that’s all he really wanted. So what’s the difference between hooking up with a fetishist and just hooking up with someone casually?
He wasn’t like, “Hi, I’m a fetishist,” he just wants to have sex with random plus-size women. Is someone who likes plus-size girls a fetishist just because his preference isn’t mainstream?