Dating an overweight cat

We’re sitting on the sofa in my studio apartment, mere inches from the bed where, moments earlier, his mouth and hands teased the rolls and folds of my body, where he’d turned my back-fat into an altar.

The sheets haven’t cooled yet, and he’s telling me about the things he won’t do in public, just to keep things between us from getting “confusing.” He won’t hold my hand.

He would touch me everywhere; he just wouldn’t hold my hand.

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Hilarious footage of an enormous cat slowly waddling around a hotel car park and then collapsing on the ground exhausted has taken the internet by storm.