” In it, I concluded that it’s up to the individual. And just cause you WANT to move on from your previous relationships does not mean you’re really READY to. Generally, if you’re dating immediately after divorce, you’re hurt, reeling and looking for a safe harbor in the storm that is singledom. He thought he was ready for another committed relationship but needed a break before moving ahead. He told her he’d come back after he had time to sort things out. Very reasonable men want to love again, and are shocked to find out that it’s not possible.The exact quote was “if you’ve mourned, if you’ve healed, if you’ve made peace – then you’re ready whenever you say you’re ready.” Allow me to correct myself. I have a client who went out with a man who was separated. On the other hand, you’ve heard tales of men who went seamlessly from one relationship to another without a break.They’ve been married for six years, no kids, and had been separated for about three months when we met.To say I was shocked and disappointed wouldn’t even cover it, but I was already falling for him and he said he’d been afraid to tell me in case I turned him down.We connected I think because we like a lot of the same things, similar backgrounds, and I definitely felt a connection between us and when he asked me for my number at the end of the night, I thought nothing of giving it to him.We went on several dates and it was only then that it transpired that he is separated from his wife.He said they’d grown apart, they wanted different things, and just couldn’t see eye to eye about a lot of stuff. The separated people that are dangerous to date, overestimate what they think they’re capable of being involved in and how genuinely interested they are in you, and then start backtracking quicker than you can say ‘But I thought you said you were getting divorced! You shouldn’t be worried that you might be with a Mr Unavailable – you should be highly concerned about the fact that you are involved with a Mr Unavailable.I took him at his word but a year on, they’re not divorced yet (or even close) and twice he’s said that he’s crazy about me but that he thinks he should give his marriage another shot. If you were with a separated person who was ready to move on, he wouldn’t be trying to reconcile with his wife!
He was charming, appeared to share the same interests, and you seemed to have similar backgrounds. He just left out the rather hefty problem of the fact that he’s not actually single.All you can do is trust your gut and don’t second guess yourself every step of the way. Renee asks: I got talking to this really lovely guy at work event just over a year ago.The trouble with this deception is that by not being upfront he removed the right for you to decide what you 1) want to be involved in and 2) what you’re comfortable with.You probably would have proceeded more cautiously and asked more crucial questions and opted out when it became apparent that this isn’t a healthy situation to be involved in.