“In the Bible, they believe you don’t have sex before marriage.You don’t want someone who’s sexually aggressive and just out for your body.“He feels joyful and happy, but for the straight wives, our lives have been lost. ’ ” “My husband called me the exact same thing,” Barbetta adds.Our hopes and dreams are shattered.” About four months into her own marriage, Kaye and her husband were having sex roughly once a month. “The husbands will say, ‘Maybe I would like you better if your thighs weren’t so heavy, or if you would change your hair color, maybe if your breath didn’t stink, or if you were a better cook.She also wrote a book, A Pebble in His Shoe: The Diary of a Straight Spouse, about her experience. “It was almost like he was starstruck,” Barbetta recalls. Once a gentle teetotaler who did volunteer work, her husband turned to drugs and alcohol. Then Barbetta’s husband committed suicide by hanging, two weeks before their oldest daughter’s high school graduation.Barbetta’s husband was always strongly homophobic, a churchgoer, and a Republican. “You know that look when somebody is falling in love.” Her husband was shopping at Pier 1 Imports and told Barbetta he’d made a new friend, the manager, and was excited that they were going to become gym buddies. He denounced his homosexuality, then claimed to be bisexual, then straight. Often, as the husband begins to grapple with his sexuality, these marriages become marked by manipulation and psychological and physical abuse. “Like gaslighting, they make you feel like you’re crazy when you start to have suspicions. They make you feel like you’re imagining it.” “When a man represses his sexuality and he starts to come out, it’s like he was stuck in adolescence and now it’s a newfound freedom,” Barbetta says.Kaye was a national leader in a militant Jewish group targeting Nazi war criminals living in the United States and fighting for the rights of persecuted Jews in Russia.
He forbid Jennifer to hold her girlfriend’s hand in public and made her cover up her rainbow tattoo when she came into his home.When she was 25, Kaye met the man who would change the course of her life — and by proxy touch the lives of many other women — forever.It was the 1970s, and the feminist and environmental movements were in full swing.Although there’s no hard data, she estimates more than million women in the United States are married to, or divorced from, gay men. K.-based organization recently surveyed nearly 1,200 gay men married to women and found half the respondents had no plan to tell their wives, with 20% responding “maybe.” Since 1999, Kaye has sold more than 25,000 books with titles like Straight Wives: Shattered Lives, The Gay Husband Checklist, and How I Made My Husband Gay.Her monthly newsletter, Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Talk, reaches 7,300 subscribers.