How to get back in the dating game

Every conversation with a single friend eventually leads to a detailed analysis of a person they have been harboring a crush on for months but whose messages roll in at the pace of the full moon.

I myself constantly circle back to a handsome lawyer who keeps stalling our second rendezvous—despite living just five minutes away.

Embrace your inner Parisienne and go for a look that is thoroughly effortless and 100 percent , allowing no room for further misconception.

Since your newly active lifestyle has probably done wonders for your arm muscles, show them off in a loose ’90s slip dress paired with sneakers, perfect for the off-chance that you feel like bailing.

New York–based writer and humorist Julia Reiss compares this predicament to that of an all-you-can-eat buffet, in which one might stock her plate with things they have no interest in eating for the sole reason of them being there, and available.Accept invitations to parties."While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood—and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. You've decided to start dating—isn't that your "intention" right there? "Dating can be a way to sharpen your social skills, too." And, of course, a way to get out of the house and have some fun!A divorcée may also feel that there's something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop! Possibly the last time you dated there wasn't even an Internet, much less Internet dating.If it's truly awful, take a step back and wait some more. Gadoua, who runs dating workshops for women, asks them to free-associate words that come to mind when they think of "dating." Not surprisingly, words like "awful" and "dreadful" come up.Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal—after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval—and that you don't have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. "Sit down and craft a statement of what, exactly, you're after. If you feel the same way, she offers this advice: "I suggest you try to reframe it as an adventure, or as an education," she says.