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I’ve spent more and more time here for the past 6 months, since we’ve got engaged, so I’ve used his computer a lot more as well.

I was messing around one day and found a ton of pornography on it.

I just don’t know how to handle this whole thing, I love him dearly and it hurts very badly...

He’s got so many good qualities and in my heart I feel as though he truly loves me, would never hurt me, but-I know I’ve babbled, I just wanted to make sure everything was clear. On one hand, your boyfriend has been turning to other women for sexual gratification—leaving you feeling hurt, betrayed and rejected.

So, our best advice is probably the most difficult.

Typically, what happens when you try to control a partner’s behavior, especially a behavior that is very rewarding to him, a partner will learn to better hide or conceal his activities (see when people lie).

And it may help to be realistic about how much both you and your boyfriend can change with respect to this issue.

I told him I felt bad that he was looking at these women-but I felt even worse because I was the one who looked it up in his documents on his computer-I felt I invaded his privacy-I didn’t want to be one of those crazy girlfriends/fiancés.

He felt bad and said he’d delete everything, I told him no, I know guys do that kind of stuff, and I didn’t want him to because I invaded his privacy.